Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I ate cake tonight.
My life is about to change significantly. I am changing positions in the company I work for and after Thursday I will not be a regular offshore employee.
This means that the life that I have known for the past 11 years will change. It's not like a regular person changing jobs either. If you change jobs, you just move from one to another and your life is essentially the same. I am actually moving out of a place that I have lived for the last 5 and a half years.
My actual lifestyle will change because I am leaving a schedule that gives me 14 days off a month to one that gives me 10 days off a month. The days I will get off are not in a row either.
I am moving into our engineering department. For me this will be a promotion and somewhat of a dream come true. Everyone that knows me knows that I have always had a thirst for knowledge and it is something I am passionate about. I hope I am making the right move and find what I am looking for.
Back to the cake. Our cook, who is a friend of mine, took the time to make a cake in celebration of my promotion. I ate a piece, as someone that hasn't eaten anything like that in about two months I can tell you it was everything I thought it would be.
I also didn't post last night because I tend to get run down at the end of my hitch.
2 cups of chicken soup
1 beef patty
1 cup of corn
1/2 a chicken breast
1 cup of asparagus
Exercise today was tabata cycles
2 crab salads
1 cup of corn
week four of the 16 week abs workout.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Work smart not hard
I have worked in the past to try to get where I am going. I put out more effort and didn't see the same results in the same amount of time.
I started to wonder where I went wrong. I almost have to believe that it had something to do with being hungry all the time. Now I don't really get hungry at all. I ususlly eat something before that happens. What I usually eat is a piece of fruit between meals and that keeps my hunger at bay. I also thinks it serves another purpose of keeping my metabolism up.
I have to say that I am seeing really, really good results following the program that I am doing.
I will not post them yet until I can verify them on my own scale. I plan on putting up the results along with a picture on Friday.
1 crabmeat salad
1 fried chicken thigh
1 cup of green beans
cup of corn
No exercise today because it is Sunday and it's one of my days off.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I recently put in a request for my last physical exam in the army and other military records. I figure if I am going to benchmark my stats against something it ought to be when I was in my best shape. So I am going to try to duplicate or exceed my physical stats and last PT test from when I was in the Army. Remember I got out 16 years ago.
This is for all of those people that think they can't get their own six pack. I decided to take a picture of what is located just down the hall from my office. Remember all of these things are free and I can eat all I want.
I also haven't touched any of this stuff the whole time. I didn't even show you the ice cream freezer. Yes we have a freezer dedicated to ice cream and I am trying to get a six pack.
If you are wondering, yes, I do hear that stuff calling me all the time. (Insert Captain Kirk voice here) I just have to resist. Our most capable cook also made a huge pan of homemade brownies. It's killing me.
1 crabmeat salad
1 chicken breast
1 can of asparagus
My appetite is back in full force!
Exercise today was a 3 mile run on the treadmill at 6 miles an hour with a 5% incline and 2 pound weights in each hand. I wanted to mix it up a little bit.
Friday, January 25, 2008
It's seafood night offshore.
You see Friday is seafood night offshore everywhere in the gulf of mexico. I don't know who set this up but it was sheer genius. This is like party night if you will for all of the offshore folks. Except for us you can replace the word party with either work or sleep because if you are offshore you are going to be doing one of those things instead of partying.
Well it's seafood night for everyone offshore except for me. You see, I developed a shellfish allergy last year. If that is not a cruel twist of fate I don't know what is. Let's think about this. I LIVE IN THE SEAFOOD CAPITOL OF THE WORLD. I really love seafood too. So I have a choice, either enjoy seafood or live. It's a tough one sometimes but I am going to go with living for now. I do know how I might like to check out though.
For those of you that don't have Attention Deficit Disorder and managed to read this far, I have made my website easier to get to. My new web address is:
WWW.REDNECKABS.COM You can just type that into your browser and it will bring you here.
I will re post this tomorrow, for the ADD challenged, higher up on the page. By the way I have been thinking, if you are a grammar Nazi you might want to just move right along because this has got to be killing you. I know I am bad at writing give me a break. I might not be able to write a book but I can fix your TV set.
1 small bowl of Gumbo( I am only human)
1 crab meat salad
1.5 grilled chicken breast
1 small crab salad.
Third week of the abs workout.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
What I have learned so far.
Last hitch I ate pretty much the same way I did this hitch and had pretty much the same result with one exception. About 10 days into my hitch the cook put out some Ravioli.( Our cook puts out soup at 9am everyday) Now me and Chef Boyardee have a special relationship. I absolutely love his ravioli, I could eat a 5 gallon bucket of the stuff. Now keep in mind, this was the first processed food that I had eaten in about 3 weeks. I ate the ravioli and something strange happened. About 30 minutes later I had this unbelievable craving for more ravioli. That stuff was like crack, I couldn't stop eating it.
I can only come to one conclusion, processed foods are addictive. Almost all processed foods have at least some MSG in them. In a laboratory setting they give rats Mono Sodium Glutamate to make them fat. Rats if left to their own devices will not become obese. Slip them some MSG and they are on their way to looking like me. I don't think this is an accident. If I were in the business to sell food it would really help my bottom line if I could make you eat more and I think that is what's happening.
My wife and I recently went to Europe for a few weeks. I was really shocked at what I saw. In the Netherlands I would guess the obesity rate is .05% or less. While I was there I saw a couple of folks that were fat at best. Everyone was slim and trim. (I realize that most of them bike everywhere they go.) One other thing I noticed was that no one really ate any processed food. All of the food that my wife and I ate was unbelievably fresh and tasty. The dishes that we ate were not low fat by any stroke of the imagination but somehow these people stay slim eating that stuff. I have to believe there is a connection.
I am going to continue to stay away from processed foods if I can help it. Being off of them has made it relatively easy to eat a healthier diet.
Try it some time you will see what I am talking about.
1 chicken thigh/leg
1 cup of green beans
1 cup of fried okra
1 Serving of Pork tenderloin
1.5 cups of mashed potatoes and gravy
I am going to try and eat at least one high calorie meal a week to ensure that my body doesn't go into starvation mode and slow my metabolism down.
I took a night off of exercise. I didn't have the abs workout scheduled and I am choosing this as one of my off days for Tabata.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
My sister thinks I am brave.
I am used to being the butt of the joke. I am good natured about it and It doesn't bother me, everyone knows this. Everywhere I go it is always like this, I am used to it and actually it has been happening all my life. This is why I really didn't have a problem putting my photo on the Internet. Whatever ribbing I get won't be a problem.
I think I might have taken this a little too far. I actually told one person that I work with that I was doing this. Now the person that I told, I think, is one of the funniest people that I know. He just has that sense of humor that I find hilarious. So I tell him to go to the website and he looks at it and utters the strangest complement that I have ever received in my life. I hope this is the only time I ever receive it too.
He utters three words that top everyone that has ever poked fun at me.
"WOW, Nice Rack"
I have to say this threw me into a fit of laughter. I really didn't see it coming.
After all, maybe I am brave.
1 crabmeat salad
1 small bowl of beef soup
1 serving of spaghetti
3 hearshy kisses
I felt that I wasn't getting enough Carbohydrates and felt a little funny. Hence the Hershy kisses. I wanted to make sure my blood sugar was up.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Wow, my head looks like a pumpkin.
The chins are mostly gone now and I am glad to see them go. I'll state this again. I really didn't realize how big I had become. I was discussing this fact with my wife, she told me " I never really saw you as fat". This is further proof that love is completely blind and love apparently robs you of your sense of touch too. I am sure that I could bump into a blind person and they would say "watch where you are going fat ass".
Not much going on today. I did get my first ride in a Eurocopter helicopter, not that exciting really. I had to go check out some stuff on another platform.
I know there are some Pinnacle guys watching this. For me failure is not an option. To illustrate my commitment, tonight was steak night offshore and they served fillet mignon, I ate chicken.
Beef patty ( I had to eat lunch at another platform- No salads there)
Sour Kraut ( I had to eat lunch at another platform- No salads there)
Grilled Chicken Breast
Exercise was Tabata Cycles
Monday, January 21, 2008
Elephant Scabs, Yum!
I really can't eat much of anything served offshore. My one saving grace is the crabmeat salad. I usually have these a couple of times a day.
I finally got over my cold that lasted 36 hours. I really bounced back faster than normal. I have to believe it is because of the better nutrition that I am getting.
I spoke to my brother today and told him I really didn't feel like working out. He asked if my manjina was hurting. What a guy. I must say I will not give him the satisfaction of seeing me fail.
Hopefully I will inspire him to look as manly as I do if that is possible.
The workout was rough this evening but that was to be expected. The schedule is actually quite aggressive. Each week is harder than the one before and the expectation is that you will be stronger and be able to complete it. So far I have been. I am getting stronger every day and I love the way it feels.
3/4 Chicken Breast and 1 cup of green beans
Imitation Crabmeat Salad.
Exercise today was The Third week of the Six pack abs workout
Also, Tabata Cycles
Thinking about the last post.
I feel better than I have in a long, long time. I really do and the sad thing is that it didn't really take a lot to get here. Even though I am sick right now. ( really bad Cold) I still have more energy than I normally did. Hopefully I can bounce back from being sick a little faster this time.
I began wondering lately how all of the actors in hollywood have six packs. I realized that is where their priority lies. That is how they make their living. They HAVE to look like that to work and eat. We could all look like that if we made fitness a priority in our life.
When I was starting out in my career I chose to make learning all that I could about my craft a priority in my life. I really put many hours of effort into it outside of work because I wanted to be the best I could, I knew it would effect my income greatly. It's really no different then actors with a six pack. That was where my priority was.
There is really no reason any person with self discipline should be fat. When you become fat you trade long term gain for temporary comfort. What does that really say about you as a person?
That you don't really have enough control over your life to choose what you look like and what you put in your mouth?
That is kind of what led me to this. I want a better life and I am going to work for it.
scrambled eggs and oatmeal
2 salads with imitation crab meat.
No exercise today. I am running a low grade fever and feel horrible.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Being fat is hard work.
When you think about it in those terms, I have been carrying around 60 extra pounds for a number of years. If I distributed 60 pounds across your body just thing how hard doing your day to day activities would be. I would be nearly impossible.
To further illustrate this fact, have you ever seen a obese person that didn't have large calf muscles. Their calves develop because of the sheer effort it takes just to walk around. When I was at a lower weight I had no calves at all, now mine are well developed.
Getting up when you are fat is also a challenge. You are essentially lifting a normal persons body weight plus 60 or so pounds.
Thats why we all grunt when we get up. We are power lifting.
2 cups of scrambled eggs
1.5 cups of oatmeal.
1 crabmeat salad
4" of smoked sausage
3 spears of brocolli with a small amount of cheese
some onions and tomatoes.
The salads were getting old so I switched it up.
No exercise today, have bad allergies and I have been sneezing for 12 hours and feel horrible.
Friday, January 18, 2008
That's what family is for.
That is how this is going to turn out if I fail to reach my goal. My brother told me so. He took an oath to ride me to the ends of the earth if I didn't get my six pack abs. He vowed to enlist the help of others to ridicule me if I didn't reach my goal. If that wasn't enough, he even said that his tombstone would be erected as a monument solely for the purpose of my humiliation.
That's dedication for you. I have to give it to him, that's a pretty far stretch to go to make fun of someone. I wouldn't expect anything less.
When I get my six pack abs, I will not have to say anything. He will be sitting there on his butt, in wonder at my abs, munching on some high calorie crow.
Besides, it's ok, I am the smarter brother.
1.5 cup of scrambled eggs
1 cup oatmeal
2 salads with imitation crabmeat.
2nd week of the 16 week abs workout
Tabata Cycles- This was the Tabata principle on a recumbent bike. ( If you have to look up recumbant you might be a redneck too.)
Thursday, January 17, 2008
This is going to be hard.
There is a man out here whose sole purpose is to cook tasty food that rednecks like. I don't know how many rednecks you know but all of the ones that I know like fried food. If the rednecks work offshore it is even worse.
So here I am on a metal island in the middle of the gulf of mexico surrounded by tasty fried food. My dining choices are limited. I am really going to have to count on portion control. This means that each meal that I eat will be roughly the size of a tic tac. I can eat a salad if I choose and that will be a choice I make most of the time if my will power holds out.
I didn't do any exercise today because I woke up at 2am to drive 110 miles to the heliport. I caught a flight out at 6am and when I got here I worked a 12 hour day. Keep in mind I am lucky because I live close. Some of these other guys have it rough.
3 egg whites/oatmeal
1 salad with imitation crab meat for protein ( imitation crab meat is actually quite good for you)
1/2 chicken breast
1.5 cups of Jambalaya
1/2 cup of corn
1/2 cup of green beans
Coincidentally the first day I got my appetite back was my first day back offshore. Great, just great.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
So I have been doing this for 12 days.
The Picture on the left is the picture I took when I started and the one above was taken last night. There doesn't look like there is a difference but my pants are already looser and my clothes fit different.
I took my blood pressure and pulse rate today and I have the following results.
BP 117/68 ( this is lower than it has ever been, it is usually 135/85)
Resting Pulse 66 Beats per minute. ( my resting pulse has never been this low, including the army.)
Starting weight: 262
Current weight: 256.4
Total weight loss-5.6 pounds
Average weight loss per day .46 pounds.
3 egg whites/oatmeal
1 Chicken Thigh
1 bowl of healty beef soup.
Exercise today is the 16 week abs workout.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
It's really not as bad as it looks.
My wife ran a marathon in October to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
Being a former paratrooper, I know a thing or two about running. I helped her train at first and ran with her on some of her runs. ( think Clydesdale not Thoroughbred ) Soon she surpassed me and started running fast and I kinda got left behind.
That being said it is not a stretch for me to go out and run 6 or 7 miles. I run at about a 10 minute/mile pace. ( how does that make you feel, Fatass can run! ) I am also running the Mardi Gras half marathon in February.
I also lifted weights for many years but one day I just walked into the gym and realized that the fire had just gone out. For some reason the desire to workout just vanished. I actually stopped mid-workout and walked out of the gym. That was the last physical exercise I did for years. I never did figure out what happened.
Now I have the Internet to keep me honest. There have been a few days like today and yesterday that I really didn't want to work out, I did anyway.
Exercise today was Tabata sprints.
3 egg whites/Oatmeal
1 Bowl of healthy beef soup
1 Chinese Buffet ( This isn't really healthy but I was going a bit stir crazy. I have also allowed for a cheat meal every now and then. This is more of a lifestyle than a punishment.)
I will also post pictures tomorrow. I know you have all seen pictures of a fat guy before and I am going to show you another one.
Monday, January 14, 2008
It's all about the Data.
That being said, I dropped the ball. If this was being done right, I would have got a physical along with blood test to have a benchmark to see results from. I didn't do this. On top of this, this is kind of what I do for a living. I work with things that compile historical data to improve future performance.
The reason I didn't do this is because I really hadn't planned to make a big deal out of this. One thing led to another and now I am on the internet and at least a few people are watching. Sorry folks, I screwed up.
The best guess for my starting stats are:
Weight: 262 ( this is correct)
Height: 6'2" ( also correct )
Resting pulse 84 beats a minute ( it has been this way for years )
Blood pressure 125/80 ( this has become better in the past year )
Week two of the 16 week ab work out
I didn't do Tabata Sprints because my thighs are killing me. I am going to try to do Tabata 5 times a week with no set day off.
3 egg whites
1 golden delicious apple.
2 bowls of beef soup.
My appetite has dropped of so bad I am having to force myself to eat. I will try to be more disciplined in this area.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
We're on like a pot of neck bones.
I am part of the largest online gun enthusiast community on the internet.( I am a redneck remember.) I posted on there what I was going to do and how long it was going to take me. One of the members said that he would give me three weeks and I would give up.
This comment was not made out of spite or ill character. Reality usually disagrees when statements like mine are made. Generally most people don't follow through, it's not uncommon.
On this website there are multiple levels of membership. He and I are both on the membership that is free and the website features are limited.
I put forth a challenge. I basically told him that if I didn't fulfill my goal in 6.5 months that I would purchase him a Team membership to this website we both frequent and if I did attain my goals he would buy me one. After hashing out the finer details he announced to the world that " We're on like a pot of neckbones". Now that might seem funny to you but that is just how people in the south talk. Our language has a little flavor, similar to a good neckbone I guess.
Grilled chicken breast with steamed brocolli ( we ate at chilli's)
1 bowl of healty chicken soup
1 bowl of healty beef soup
1 honey crisp apple.
Exercise was the Tabata protocol. ( I am already starting to see some gain from this.)
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I have an appetite problem.
It's like this. My wife and I went hiking part of the Appalachian trail a few years ago. We brought along with us enough food to feed a battalion of young troops. Something funny happened when we started hiking. My appetite dropped off to almost nothing. It really didn't match the amount of energy I was expending. I should have been starving all day long. To put it simply I wasn't hungry at all. After the first day of hiking I ate, 1 packet of instant oatmeal in the morning, a bag of M&M's for lunch. For dinner I had a small packet of mashed potaotos and chicken breast and I was satisfied. From what I understand this isn't uncommon with other hikers as well.
Instead of trying to carry all that food, we set up catered events at every place we camped. It was quite nice.
I figured the response could only be one thing. It seemed logical that it had to be part of some caveman type fight or flight response. This is the only thing that really made sense to me. If you had to bug out of your cave for some reason your body would be doing you a favor if it didn't get really hungry all the time.
So the conditions that set this off must be extreme physical activity. ( hiking the first part of the Appalachian trail was hard) This really doesn't seem to match what is going on here. I am only exercising about 12 to 35 minutes a day. To me this means that even though I am only exercising a few minutes a day, my metabolism is elevated all day due to the exercises I am doing. I really hope this is the case. Time will tell.
I am already seeing something interesting that I can only tribute to the Tabata Protocol, more on this Wednesday.
If you want more information about any of the foods that I am eating here my wife was kind enough to post here original recipes here for you.
I didn't do any exercise today. I was taking another day off.
3 egg whites/ Oatmeal
2 bowls of healty chicken soup
2 Honey Crisp Apples- These really are the best apples in the world. It's like they grow them in Heaven or something.
Friday, January 11, 2008
So what is a calorie?
Actually a calorie is a unit of energy measurement. The definition is - A unit of energy defined as that amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one gram of water by one degree Celsius ...
Essentially it is a unit of heat. So when you see a burger and it has 400 calories it means that there is enough energy present in the burger to raise the temperature of 400 grams of water 1 degree Celsius.
In the past whenever I got sick and ran a fever for any length of time I always felt "thin" afterwards. There was a very good reason for this.
If I weigh 260 pounds, which I do, and I run a fever of 100.4DegF.
This raises my body temperature by 1 Degree Celsius. This takes a tremendous expenditure of energy. (keep in mind a 260 pound person has about 114,000 grams of water) If you run a fever for any length of time I am pretty sure that it is the equivalent of strenuous exercise the entire time you are running a fever. ( If anyone has the exact calculation for this let me know)
So that brings me around to my main point. When you lose weight where does it go? Quite simply you lose it in the form of heat. Anything you can do to get your body to generate heat will make you burn calories.
Exercise is the most common way to do this. When you run you sweat and you sweat because you are producing heat. It's that simple.
The Tabata protocol makes you produce heat all day. Trust me, when I do the Tabata workout I sweat for two hours after I am done. For the rest of the day my skin feels like I am running a fever. It is pretty remarkable. Time will tell how well this is going to work!
16 week Abs workout
My meals today:
3 boiled eggs
1 small bowl of french onion soup
1 chicken panini sandwich from Jason's Deli
1 Honey Crisp Apple
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wow Eitek1 got fat
Everyone tells me I carry my weight well. If you are being told this, it is not a complement. People are being polite to you. Trust me, I finally saw pictures of myself. I do not carry my weight well. I carry my weight like every other Fat Ass Redneck carries their weight.
I look huge. The power of the male mind to deceive itself is phenomenal. I really didn't belive I looked as bad as I do.
Well I guess that is why we are all here isn't it. To do something about looking like a fat ass redneck.
I took a day off of exercising because I had nothing scheduled exercise wise and I wanted to lay off of Tabata one day to heal.
My diet today
3 egg whites/oatmeal
3 honey crisp apples
1 big bowl of my wifes healthy chicken soup.
I realize I am going to have to eat a little more, I did seem to eat about every three hours and I never really did get hungry.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I sidled up on the scale and it read a ridiculous 30.1 percent body fat. I knew this had to be wrong because an Adonis like me could never have that much body fat. After stepping on the scale many times I was convinced it was correct. To get where I have really good abs I have to be about 7% body fat. That means I have to lose 23% of my total weight. This mignt not seem like a lot but it is 60 pounds. This will leave me weighing 200 pounds. I haven't weighed 200 pounds in 15 years, or since I got out of the Army.
I have to burn roughly 181,000 calories. To quantify this 181,000 calories is equal to 903 Krispy Kreme donuts or 373 big mac's or 621 Kentucky fried drumsticks (extra crispy).
If I burn 2.5 pounds of fat a week in 29 weeks I will be at my goal. I am going to do my level best to get there.
Again, this is a journey. I am not going to kill myself to get there but I am going to get there. I will do this sensibly. I have a tendancy to go all out and become unreasonable, I am not going to do that this time. I am focusing on eating healthy 80-90% of the time. I think this will get me real close to my goal. The closer I get to 200 pounds the more strict I am going to have to be.
Also, Tabata might have something right. There is something going on.
Meals today were.
3 egg whites/oatmeal
1 chicken breast with steamed Broccoli
8 ounces of roast beef with 1.5 cups of rice and gravy. MMMMmmmm
I also did the Tabata work out and the 16 week abs work out.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I think my wife is tougher than me.
A little background is in order. The Tabata protocol workout consist of maximum effort for 20 seconds and rest for 10. This is supposed to boost your metabolism for 24 hours.
They say abs are made in the kitchen.
My entire caloric intake for yesterday was:
Monday, January 7, 2008
It has begun
So what inspired me to do this you ask. I came across a video by accident of a guy advertising a "Spartan 300" work out. For those of you that have seen the movie you can understand why anyone would want to be built like that. I was mildly intrigued. I followed the link to the video and found a website. http://www.iwantsixpackabs.com/abs.html This website lays out a 16 week program to get six pack abs. I can read and I have some will power so I figured I can do this.
The guy on the website wasn't selling anything, he was just promoting fitness. When I was in the army I did most of the exercises that he did, so I figured why not. This was my inspiration.
For a little clarification I am officially starting today but I have been easing into it for about a month and a half. In that month and a half I have been working up to completing the first workout. In that month and a half I have lost almost 20 pounds.
THIS STUFF WORKS.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
So this is how it begins!
Once upon a time I was a paratrooper. Paratroopers are tough and thin and everything else you might believe goes along with that. Back then I could exercise till you got tired. Back then I had a six pack. Now, as R. Lee Ermey would say, I am a disgusting fat body.
Well no more, I have decided that I will have a six pack. In this year of our Lord 2008 I will have my six pack that has been languishing under so many doughnuts.
That sounds great and all, but if you knew me you would think it the ramblings of a crazy person. The reason you would think it crazy is that I weigh 260 pounds. The last time I saw my six pack I weighed 160 pounds. I basically need to lose an 11 year old before my six pack shows up.
I will do this without walking into a gym, taking weight-loss pills or crystal meth. I will do it focusing on diet and basic exercises. I know it will not be easy but anything worth having is worth working for. So now I am beholden to the world. I basically have to answer to everyone on the internet if I fail.
Wish me luck because I start tomorrow.